If you are someone who sees a lot of what I have to say you might think right about now: OK seriously? Another post about Mexico? Get over it.
Here's why I can't.
I'ts not really Mexico that has me so enamored. It's me. It's who I was and what I felt when I was there, that I have to search for when I'm home. I love the person I was in Mexico. I love her. I love that girl who was finally finally finally on her first adult vacation ever. Ever. I love the girl who had at last gotten to a place where she could do that, without excuses, regrets, judgements, worry.
I love her and I want her to be with me all the time.
When I think of Mexico, she's with me. This is why I can't stop thinking of Mexico.
There are many examples I could share that lead me to say this but I will just share one. I wonder if it will not seem like much to you. I wonder if you will get it, if you've been this . . . .
To me, it's not so much a memory, but a feeling imprinted in my cells. I can close my eyes and feel it again, like it is happening now.
I stepped out of the Cancun airport and the 87 degree weather hit me like a warm familiar blanket when you are cold and sick. Immediately my body felt better, my heart, my mind, my everything. The sun was brilliant and the sky was clear blue and my toes, which had just been released from months of knee socks three minutes before - seemed to be rejoicing. There were people and taxis and noise and confusion everywhere but for a moment that seemed very long there was nothing but me and this overwhelming feeling of gratitude and joY - so strong that I almost cried.
It wasn't the weather, the week off, the thrill to get to the ocean, the romance of being with my husband, it wasn't any of that really. It was this:
In that moment I was fully and completely present. There was no past and no future, no regret and no worry. There was only that moment. Everyone talks about this. I have experienced it to some level I think, but NEVER like this.
Then, I remember looking up at a coconut tree and that was my undoing. That sealed the deal. A coconut tree?
My life had a fucking coconut tree in it! YES!
In that instant I went deeper into my presence and I knew that I was so blessed to have finally gotten far enough beyond all of my shit that I could show up in my life!
There was a lump in my throat. I swallowed back the tears but they tasted good. They were tears of joY, so sweet.
This happened a lot in Mexico, so many times. I was miraculously torn out of my own head and dropped into presence - so much presence that it filled me to bursting.
This is why I won't be able to stop talking about Mexico.
I simply can't get over it.